Day 15: There are good things

Thursday, March 26, 2020

I have loved the flexibility and openness of my days. Yes, I start and end work at the same times and my days are mostly full of scheduled meetings, but when I’m not bound to my desk, things are loose. I go for walks with the kids. I watch a show during “lunch” or catchup on housework.

I have loved drinking coffee for hours in the morning, freshly made in my own pot. And while I loved and miss going to Starbucks almost every day, I love saving $3/day.

I have loved working in my comfy clothes, getting really dressed only to go outside.

I have loved how the kids are getting along. Mostly this shift is between Layla and Isaac, who seem more like buddies than angry siblings. Sure, there’s angst, but it’s less than before. I let them go for walks or rollerblade without me and I think this is great for them. They feel brave and collaborative when they’re out without me. They share things a little easier and I hear them laughing and making TikToks together. In fact, I couldn’t find Isaac this morning because he wasn’t in his bed, he wasn’t on the floor by my bed, and finding him on Layla’s bedroom floor was the last place I’d ever look. Julian told me that they woke him up at 3am last night…! And yeah, that’s pesky and I should tell them not to stay up so damn late (especially after I’ve tucked them in), but it’s something pretty special for their relationship.

Although the kids do watch plenty of tv, maybe only a little more than weekends of the old days, I notice they take breaks on their own and do things. Layla will stop and paint. Isaac will go out front and battle with his stuffed monkey. Julian is a different story, though, it’s difficult to get him out of his room, but I think that’s teenage stuff (and yesterday school work got him out of his room for a couple hours).

I have loved saving money and eating at home.

I have loved all the Reese’s pieces I’ve eaten (and have yet to finish). ha! Though this needs to change soon…

I’m glad I can give my hair a break from the heat damage that comes with drying every day, though I could sure use a trim.

So there are some good things.

Day 14: Little victories

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Last night I went for a drive. Windows down, music up. Handful of peanut butter m&ms and a soda water. Drove north on the highway for 30 minutes and turned around. The weather was perfect and I was reminded of night-bike rides with my dad when I was younger. It was a good hour and I felt regular for a little bit.

Today the kids did their school work. Julian finished most of his for the week, Isaac did all of his Wednesday work, and Layla is spacing hers out over the next few days. They spent a good 3 hours on their assignments and I feel good.

Oh also, since life is full of sickness paranoia, today Julian had a 99.3 temperature, a sore throat, and nausea. My throat has bothered me since my drive last night and I’m hoping it’s just allergies.

Day 13: Shelter in place

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

We’ve officially been instructed to shelter in place. Which means all non-essential jobs are halted and everyone must stay in their homes except for food and medical errands. This is another blow to life and the psyche, but we’ve been doing this since day 1 on our own accord and this is necessary to “flatten the curve” and limit the load on hospitals.

I’m still terrified of getting the covid. We only really hear the big stories about how people felt like they were dying, and I understand for a lot of people it’s like a common cold, but we don’t hear about that very much. So I’m left fearing the worst, which honestly, helps keep me in the house. Daniel is the outside-of-the-house guy. He goes to work, and keeps his distance from the other few people who remain employed, and he does the grocery runs and target trips. He says men are expendable and mothers aren’t, which breaks my heart but I won’t argue with him because he’s serious about it. I do get out of the house sometimes to take Julian driving, and of course we go for lots of walks.

I haven’t let myself think too far into the future. I think 3 months is probably the short end of how long this should last in order to be effective. And that’s a long time. It’s been 2 weeks for us and it feels like a month. So I go day by day.

Yesterday after beating Isaac in Monopoly he was emotional and then he started crying about missing his friends. When he left with Julian for a walk, I cried. I almost got myself into a fit but gathered myself in time for my next work call.

Today I picked up the Chromebooks. I expected long lines and an hour of my time, but I breezed through all three schools in a total of 15 minutes. It was a great experience and I nearly teared up at the last school where teachers held signs up thanking us for supporting our children’s learning. Now I need to dedicate at least an hour to understand what to do for each kid and help them each come up with a schedule. I’m hoping if they have input they’ll be more likely to want to follow.

Day 12: School daze

Monday, March 23, 2020

Remote learning started today, which is stressful because we didn’t have the kids’ chromebooks yet. They each have their own that they use at school (thanks to the best school district) and we’re picking them up on Tuesday. All of the kids’ teachers have sent emails detailing how to do their classes and it’s impossible to focus on or comprehend what they’re saying because we don’t have the equipment to follow along. It’s overwhelming.

I can hardly get them out of bed these days and I since I get up at my regular time to work remotely, I can hardly stay up as late as they do. So after I crash at 10p LATEST who knows what the wildlings are up doing or for how long. Now I have to figure out a schedule for them so they can do some sort of learning.

And Julian with his high school honors math? Fahgettaboudit.

I keep seeing things online about how this period of time doesn’t have to be strict or too serious, and that’s how I want it to be. I like the idea that the kids will remember this weird time as mostly fun and a break from school. They’re getting along better than ever and I’ve gotten more steps these days than before now with all the walks we go on. But on the other hand, I don’t want them to fall behind. I don’t know what the goal of this remote-learning is. Is it to keep them from turning into mush? Because I can keep up with that. Is it to move them along to the next grade level? That worries me.

Day 9: Bland

Friday, March 20, 2020

I’m realizing my updates are pretty bland. I guess I’m feeling pretty bland, and hope to be more colorful with this craziness at some point as I go.

I’m overwhelmed at the thought of remote-school starting next week. I’m anxious about getting all of the kids’ Chromebooks so they can do their school work. I don’t know how I’ll get them on a schedule and on task for school work…WHILE I try to do my work too.