walked right by me, picked the sock up, put it into the open dryer, and continued on his way to the garage.

I woke them up this morning with a piece of chocolate, and this was breakfast.

The doctor tried to distract him while he was doing the freezing, but Julian was entranced by the growing white “snowballs” on his fingers. And while the freezing didn’t hurt, as soon as they began to thaw his fingers began to burn. The warts are still there, but as the blister beneath them forms, they will be lifted and eventually fall off.

We stopped at Starbucks for a doughnut on our way to his school, where he used his fingers as gingerly as he could. I’m looking forward to seeing him tonight, hoping his fingers feel better.

Oh, and also, Daniel and I think we need to spend more time with them. More time filling their tank with attention. We get so stuck in our busy routine that we forget how these little people of ours are simply along for the ride; they have no control of their day and what goes on. And while we can give them little bits of control, the best thing we can do right now is make a point of spending quality time with them. Just 10-15 minutes a night, doing whatever they want to do. Giving them our full attention. I think this will make a difference.

I just needed her to threaten to break my spirit in order to climb out of my funk.

When I window shop for her, I see beautiful little outfits and adorable little shoes and headbands, and i want to dress her up. i want to put her in the clothes i love and make her look as perfectly sweet as i wish she would be. I am grateful that my little girl has fire inside her, I know that will keep her strong when she gets bigger. But right now? I want the sweet, soft, and snuggable four year old that I fantasize about.

I am a little beaten down today, after weeks of awful morning routine, sprinkled with awful bedtime routines, and car rides into work filled with whining and complaining. Is my baby girl not happy? Why isn’t she happy? Why, when I ask her what makes her happy, she says “nothing”? I know in my heart that it is right now that she needs the most hugs and kisses, she needs the most attention and praise. But she is breaking me down these weeks, and today I’m spent.

I remember when mornings were terrible with Julian a few years ago; so it’s not completely new to me. But of course, this is a different little person and her terrible times are her own. I want my baby girl to appreciate the good things in her life, and I don’t know how to help her do that. I show her the little things, I rise above myself and hug her when I’m flaming mad, we stop and smell roses together, I praise the good things she does, I laugh and dance with her, but I’m having a hard time identifying the good results, when all I can see is a grumpy little girl who leaves scratches on my arms, who throws a remote control at her papa’s face, who hits, pinches, and bites Julian, who “hugs” Isaac so tight and/or roughly that he falls down almost every time.

Where is the sweet girl of my dreams? Where is my list of happy things she does? Am I to just plow through this stage, flinching, as my Layla fights through her fours? I want to help her through it, whatever it is, but I don’t know how. Praying that I figure it out before I ruin her or she ruins me.

He doesn’t say any words yet, but he signs MILK, MORE, ALL DONE, and he blows kisses and waves. He plays very purposefully with his toys, like placing balls on the top of a ball ramp and hitting them through the openings, and doing it again and again. He likes to stack 2-3 toys on top of one another and then knock them down. He knows when he’s being naughty and will look over his shoulder at you on his way to peskyville, like when he’s en route to the fireplace, or after he’s picked up a little acorn and wants to put it in his mouth. He crawls away lightening fast when we act like we’re gonna get him. He’s SO close to walking. He can take about 6 steps before falling or sitting down. He does it now just for show when he stand him up, but not to actually get anywhere.

He doesn’t eat many different table foods. We serve him the same dinner we eat every night, and most often he refuses. He does like carrots, sweet potatoes, french fries, cereal… and pretty much any carb/starch for that matter. He’s pretty particular, which is new to us; Julian and Layla would eat nearly everything. It sometimes seems like it’s a texture thing, like if he doesn’t like the feel on his hands he won’t put it in his mouth. But a lot of times he’ll just refuse based on the look of it alone. Since he’s still nursing a few times a day and thereby getting good nutrients, the only concern with this limited diet is lack of iron. We will get the results of his blood draw that was taken at his 1 year well check to see if his iron levels are ok.

He is a happy baby, so sweet and full of love. He loves to climb all over us if we are laying on the floor. He grabs my head and snuggles his face against mine. Kisses me with an open, slobbery mouth. One of the best things is when he wants to nurse, he will come over to me, crane his neck to catch my eye, look into my eyes, and sign MILK. It’s such a direct and intentional communication; I love it. I love how he looks at me.

In the morning when it’s time to wake him to leave for our day, the kids sing him awake and play with him til I get in there. Layla likes to climb in, and sometimes Julian too. It’s a cute special time that everyone loves. And it makes me happy when I hear them waking him up sweetly like I do for them.

We made him Boston Creme Pie Cupcakes on his birthday. Julian turned off all the lights (all of them, throughout the house) and we sang to him in the candlelight while he looked at each of us, curious and quiet. I wish I had recorded it. We gave him the first cupcake, per Layla’s instruction, and chowed down on ours while Isaac refused to have any. He cried from the mess on his hands and wouldn’t take a bite. I helped him a little by swiping some chocolate on his lips which, sadly, made him cry more. Eventually though he got into it, and loved it.

Adding this sweet baby to our family has increased the craziness, no doubt, but the love he brings out of all of us is wonderful. He’s like the final puzzle piece that brings us all together. He is my quiet place when it’s just the two of us, and our world is chaos on the other side of the door. He is Papa’s little monkey who climbs all over him and wrestles on his head any time he’s in our bed. He is Layla’s rag doll who (sometimes) allows her to carry him around the house with her arms around his chest, legs dangling. He is Julian’s cutest baby brother that makes him wince with painful love when he does something cute. We are so lucky, and so thankful.

weight 17.5lb – <5%
height 30.75″ – 75%
head 17.75″ – 10-25%